March 9
Today is a travel day. Yesterday was my birthday and we had a wonderful day with my kids celebrating at a beautiful and delicious restaurant in Emeryville. All the kids made it including Erika's kids. It was so special for me. I had a few days of emotional upheaval where I couldn't quit crying. Missing David. Feeling like an alien in my own life. Feeling so emotionally distant from Matt and wondering if I really could ever be fair to such a good and loving man. Things started to settle a bit on my birthday after two nights where my churning brain barely let me sleep. I did a little better the night before leaving but not much.
We got up at 3:30 am to shower and get ready to leave the house before 4:30. I was glad to get up since I had been lying awake for quite a while already. Still churning but a little better. We got safely parked in Matt's Mini Cooper and easily got to the airport with time to spare. The plane was only about half full. It was a comfortable and easy trip. I had arranged for a shuttle when we got to Cabo. Got through customs pretty easily and onto the shuttle.
We arrive at Villa Del Palmar at about 12:30 and couldn't check into our room until about 3:30. We checked our luggage and wandered around a little. Found our way to the Taco Bar and had amazing chips and guacamole and delicious tacos. Wandered around a bit more and then finally got in our room.
I was so exhausted that I could barely think about anything else. We collapsed on the bed and I fell asleep in Matt's arms. I had talked with him quite a bit on the plane about all my emotional turbulence and his understanding and kindness made me feel safe and heard, as he always does. Sleeping a bit helped a lot.
We walked around the properties a bit more and along the beach. It is incredibly beautiful here. There is a cruise chip in the harbor and at night, everything is stunning. We ate in the Sports Bar tonight, mostly because we were doing the conversion wrong and thought the Carbon Grill cost $200!
After dinner, I fell to sleep almost immediately and slept like a rock. So good to sleep. My nervous system finally relaxed. Our room has two full beds and no queen. But it was nice to sleep so close to Matt and feel his ever stabilizing love near me. I am feeling safe again.
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